


Alone with Forbidden Desire

by kyoselflove



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Brother/Brother Incest, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Incest, M/M, Mental Instability, Oral Sex, Romance, Sexual Content, Sibling Incest, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 19:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2439548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming home from his time at university overseas, Kai finds himself dwelling in the past as his family gets together to celebrate his graduation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone with Forbidden Desire

Returning to Japan had not brought back a sense of relief, having forgotten how chaotic and loud the streets really were.  Moving aimlessly among the people, he was no one, just another faceless being.  A description that he thought suited him well.  How badly he wished he could be nobody, someone who was unimportant, that wasn’t required to show his presence in front of others.

Instead, he found himself taking the subway to his childhood home that he had not seen in four years.  Teenage schoolgirls giggled next to him, eyeing him with lust, a gesture he ignored from both sexes alike.  Being polite, he gave a small smile of acknowledgement.  Displaying his persona the outside world knew of him.

Arriving at the quaint house, he took a deep breath, not at all ready for the gathering taking place inside.  Though he missed them all dearly, he couldn’t bare to see _him_.  The image he had of him, still clearly engraved into his mind. A picture he wanted to hold on to forever, walking through the door of his old home would destroy that image.

Closing his eyes, he relieved their last moment together; hushed whispers, hands fumbling in the dark, along with their mingling moans.  A night that would later come to define his entire life.  Now in the present, standing on the doorstep, four years later, he put on his smile, knocking on the door.

Hearing the laughter from inside made him bite the inside of his cheek as he patiently waited to be invited in.  He was relieved to find his mother to be the one answering the door, bringing him into a tight embrace.  “Oh Kai!  You’re so grown up!”

Letting out a forced chuckle, Kai nodded, “Yes mother.”

She ushered him inside quickly, closing the door behind him.  As he made his was inside the house, he heard _his_ voice coming from the kitchen, instantly making him freeze.  Recognizably his but much more deeper then he remembered, still soothing to his ears as if a siren were singing out to him, beckoning him.

“Look everyone!  Kai made it!”  His mother’s voice called out behind him, making him jump slightly.  Floorboards creaking signaled the rest of his family was coming to greet him.  He feared that his heartbeat could be heard by the other’s in eerily quiet home.  Along side with his father, there he stood, his brother Aoi.  When their eyes connected, Aoi smiled genuinely, while Kai’s eyes faltered down to the floor, a strained smile spreading on his own face.  Concentrating on his rapid heartbeat, he pushed the thoughts out of his mind, how handsomely Aoi had aged these past years.

“Hey Kai.”  That addicting voice called out his name. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep up his act.  His father gave him a hug, while Aoi stood there holding a beer.  Letting out a quiet greeting of his own, he avoided eye contact with his brother.

“Honey, do you know where my purse is?”  An unfamiliar women’s voice filled the room, she stood in the doorway to the kitchen, Kai would assume normal men would think of her as beautiful.

“You probably left it in the car again.”  Aoi gestured towards the driveway.  Then at that moment, it hit him.  This woman belonged to Aoi, his Aoi.  He felt a tug at his already deeply scarred heart.  _Why would this be a shock?  Of course Aoi is with someone, a woman.  He’s not like you._ Involuntarily he placed his hand on his temple, as if it would ease away the thoughts that plagued his mind.

“Are you alright sweetie?” His mother’s voice was tender, though it no longer lifted his spirits as it used too.

“Yeah, just tired.  It was a long trip.”  Kai dropped his bag on the floor, his father grabbing it, most likely bringing it to his old bedroom.  Again his mother spoke to him, “Maybe you should rest for a bit.  Then you can tell us all about America.”

“No, it’s fine, really.”  Although he would rather be hiding in his old room, curled up, wishing away his existence, which he had done almost every night.   In the end, he was too much of a coward to do so.  Glancing at Aoi, who now resided on the couch watching TV, as if him being here was ordinary.

With slow movements, he eased off his shoes, padding softly to sit next to Aoi.  Being so close to him brought him an overwhelming sense of comfort and despair.  He could hear his parents chatting in the kitchen with, Aoi’s woman.  Tuning them out, he gazed at his brother, eyes tracing the contours of his lush lips, wanting to remember what they tasted like.

Aoi’s attention went from the television to him, as he surely felt the stare.  For a moment, they looked at each other.  Kai desperately trying to find something to say, anything, even if it were deemed inappropriate.  The three words that he had last uttered to him four years ago, were begging to be said again.  But instead, his mouth betrayed him.  “Is that your girlfriend?”

Lifting up his left hand, Aoi showed off that dreaded piece of gold wrapped around his ring finger.  Kai felt his heart caving in his chest.  “Wife actually.  We have a little one on the way too.”  That fallen heart being shattered to pieces, gone, probably never to return.

“Congratulations.”  Kai said, keeping his voice neutral.  He had become skilled with keeping up his façade, but it slowly began to crumble in his brother’s presence.

“Thanks.”  Aoi said again with that beautiful smile, Kai wondered what it was like to be happy.  “What about you?  Meet a girl in America?”

Trying not to scoff at the thought, him being in any relationship was a joke.  Not that he didn’t try, because he did. Twice, with both a woman and man.  With the woman, he barely lasted a week.  Not being able to handle her constant demand for attention, plus the thought of doing more than just kissing her made him feel uncomfortable.  Those feelings made Kai think that he had an attraction only for men.  When he dated a man from one of his classes, he went all the way.  Feeling the man deep inside him, almost felt natural, except for the fact that instead of his boyfriend at the time, it was his brother thrusting into him.  _I want to feel him inside me._

Blinking, he erased the memories from his mind, and then simply said, “No.”

“You’ll find someone, don’t worry.”  Aoi said, standing up heading to the kitchen, probably to help everyone with the celebration dinner, a festive of sorts for his graduation from university.  He could smell the food in the air, no longer could he decipher if it was delicious or not, he couldn’t remember the last time he had an appetite.

Looking into the kitchen, he saw everyone laugh, showing tenderness to one another.  Kai felt like he didn’t belong, he should just come up with an excuse and leave.  But that would be ridiculous and break his mother’s heart.  Instead he took solace inside his old bedroom, everything untouched.  Lying on his bed, he closed his eyes remembering that night once again.

Both of them on his bed, a tangle of limbs, hands exploring each other’s bare skin.  Those lips kissing his sensitive flesh, giving him goose bumps just at the touch.  Whispers, how this was normal, it’s just what teenage boys do.  Aoi was after a release where Kai needed love and attachment.  After both of them had spilled their seed on each other’s naked skin, Kai whispered, “I love you.”

Opening his eyes, he was left alone in his room, a tear sliding down his cheek to his ear.  Never was his life the same, maybe if he didn’t say those words, it would be different.  Only in the way where Aoi wouldn’t disregard him, like he does now.  He would still be miserable as he was now.  Forever he would be in love his brother; not saying it wouldn’t have mattered.

The door creaked open, his mother peeking her head in, “Dinner’s ready sweetie.”

“Okay.”  Removing himself from the bed, he followed her into the dinning room, sitting at the table across from Aoi.

“Hi, I’m Megumi, I don’t think we’ve met!”  She waved from beside Aoi.

“Nice to meet you.”  Kai gave his reply, looking down at his plate, dreading having to do this.

“Here sweetie.”  A glass of wine from his mother’s hand appeared in front of his face, he accepted it gladly, muttering his thanks.

His father held up a glass of wine as well in a toast, “We are so proud of you Kai.  Now that you hold a degree, you have your whole future ahead of you.”  Clanking their glasses together, Kai knew that he had no future.  Taking a sip of the wine, he glanced at Aoi, who looked away as their gazes met.

“Let’s eat!”  Megumi said, although to Kai’s ears it sounded more like a screech.  Already he couldn’t stand her, not that he could stand to be around anyone.

He began the tedious task of eating the meal, it probably tasted pleasant but to him, it was nothing more than a chore.  After three more glasses of wine, Kai sat quietly at the table, dishes being cleaned by his mother and Megumi, while his father and Aoi talked about his unborn child.

“May I be excused?  I’m really tired.”  Kai pushed his seat back, and then stood.  His father nodded, continuing his conversation with Aoi, who looked at Kai solemnly.

Lying awake for hours in his bed, the house had become quiet.  Curling into the fetal position, he tried to will his mind to sleep.  But being in his old bed did nothing but bring him the desires for his brother.  He thought about leaving in the middle of the night, to go end his life.  Learning about Aoi’s wife and soon to be baby was enough to finally push him to do it.

The squeak of his door made him sit up startled.  Creeping into his room, sitting on his bed, was Aoi.  Maybe he had too much wine and was already asleep.

“Kai.”  Aoi’s voice again, luring him in, unconsciously he drifting closer.

“Yes?”  With slight hope in his voice, he waited, as this wasn’t a dream after all.

“Are you okay?”  He let out a laugh, what did he expect Aoi to say?   His brother’s face contorted with concern, the streetlights illuminating his features.   “You seem really sad.”

Sitting on his knees, he moved mere centimeters away from Aoi, in a hushed voice, “Do you remember?”  Placing a hand on Aoi’s thigh, he stroked the clothed flesh.  He didn’t have anything else to lose.  His brother visibly tensed, looking away, biting his lip.  Aoi didn’t push away his hand; he decided to move himself to straddle his brother’s lap, resting his arms on Aoi’s shoulders.

“What are you doing?”  Aoi whispered.

Slipping his hand into the slit of Aoi’s pajama pants, he grabbed a hold of his cock, releasing it out into the cool air, feeling it twitch and harden.  “What do you think?”  Kai murmured in Aoi’s ear as he left a trail of kisses down his neck, breathing in Aoi’s sweet scent, tugging at his now full erection.  Aoi whimpered in his shoulder, resting his hands on Kai’s waist.

Sliding off Aoi’s lap down to the floor, he took the hardened cock into his mouth.  The sounds of his sucking echoing off the walls, he felt for his own erection in his pajama pants, eagerly stroking it, as he tasted his brother’s cock.  For so long he wanted to taste him, here he was finally doing just that, making him moan around the flesh.  “Kai.”  As if it was an order, Kai let the cock release from his mouth, with haste he took off his pants, once again sitting in Aoi’s lap.

Raising himself, he cupped Aoi’s face placing his lips against those one’s he dreamed of so often, then he pushed himself on to Aoi’s erection.  With Aoi fully inside of him, he muffled his moans inside his brother’s mouth. Slowly, he began to ride Aoi, letting out content whines of pleasure with each buck of Aoi’s hips.  He could only hope no one heard his cries of desire.

Being filled with Aoi was more than Kai could have ever wanted.  His fantasy had not been nearly as wonderful as this.  He wanted it to last forever, but could feel it coming to an end.  With the sudden need to feel the orgasm he had been waiting years for, he urgently rode Aoi’s cock faster.

Biting his lip, he whimpered as he came all over Aoi’s clothed stomach.  With another thrust, Aoi grunted, releasing himself inside of Kai, the warmth of his seed making him smile blissfully.  Making him realize, this is what it means to happy.  Again, he uttered the words he had carried with him alone, “I love you.”

Aoi kissed him lightly on the lips, “I love you too.”

Hearing those words come from Aoi, he started to doubt that this was reality.  But for now he could die a happy man.  Sliding off Aoi’s lap he lied down on his bed, smiling wide, almost giggling.  Aoi brushed strands of hair at of Kai’s face; his lips turned upwards, “Goodnight Kai.”

“Goodnight.”  His brother left the room, to return to his wife.  But it didn’t bother him, he had never been so happy in his life.  For once sleep came to him quickly.

When morning arrived, he stretched feeling great, he went to the kitchen where he smelled coffee brewing.  Seeing his mother sitting at the table with a book, he smiled at her.  “Where’s Aoi?”

“Oh, he wanted me to tell you he’s sorry but something came up at his work.  He left really early this morning.”

The smile dropped from his face, he knew last night wasn’t a dream.  Soreness in his ass was proof enough of that.  It was just a repeat of four years ago and foolishly Kai fell for it.

_But he said he loved me._

_This was different, he would be back, and there really was something wrong at his work.  He’s not avoiding me, he’s not._

_He loves me._

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are love <3


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